Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i think i have two assholes
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
