I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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