Sponge bath it is.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
