She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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