I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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