have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
