we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
