Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
