He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
