Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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