i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
