So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Ketchup is God's man juice
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Boobs are out for the taking
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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