So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
