Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
im about as happy as oj after his trial
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
