i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
