my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
