At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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