so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
