he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
