I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
