I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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