where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
