so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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