We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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