Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
