Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
