i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
