Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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