I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
