He is such a slut. More and more my type.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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