Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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