I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
