the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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