Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
