also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
