I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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