spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
