Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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