ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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