Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
