He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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