I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize