First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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