Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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