Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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