Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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