Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
