Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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