Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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