Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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