finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize