and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
