wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
