i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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