her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
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