Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
