WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Randomize