I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
