Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
