make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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