This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
