I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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