sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
