office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
