You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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