How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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