I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
