saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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