Sponge bath it is.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
