it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
