Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize