I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
accomplished twins. life is a go
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
