See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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