that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize