Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
