so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
So vagazzling was a success
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
