did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
