Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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