The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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