Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
