First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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