The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
