Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
