Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
