When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
