my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize