i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
