Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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