guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
