Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
