I just made out with a guy for $7.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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