I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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