I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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