Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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