when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
