i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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