After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
