this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize